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<title>her life's distress by DesertLily</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27066604">her life's distress</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily'>DesertLily</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Magic, POV Morgana (Merlin), Whumptober, Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:03:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,064</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27066604</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>If Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, then Morgana’s rage burns the brightest.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwen &amp; Morgana (Merlin), Merlin &amp; Morgana (Merlin), Mordred &amp; Morgana (Merlin), Morgana &amp; Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Morgana &amp; Morgause (Merlin), Morgana &amp; Uther Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946296</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>her life's distress</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title comes from 'Laid In Blood' by The Mechanisms! For the 'I'm a monster' prompt for Whumptober!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Innocent. Kind. Good. Those were all words that had belonged to her once. They would be accompanied with a gentle smile and a knowing look. She may have been raised amongst the walls of Camelot but she knew how to have fun. She knew how to enjoy herself. There was her brother (only she didn’t know he was truly her brother yet) and her father (only she didn’t know he was truly her father yet).  There was the servant girl that became her closest confidant for a time. There was the servant boy (that was just like her) that lied as he blindly protected her brother.  She had a good life. She was supposed to be happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But innocence does not last forever. It cracked and it frayed so slowly she didn’t notice at first. Then she met her sister and it shattered. Her sister calmed all of her fears; all of her concerns. It was normal to have magic. It was within her right to hate her father. In fact, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> hate him. He persecuted people like her; people who were different. He would kill her too if he ever found out the truth. He was an enemy. She should never let herself be fearful of him again. She listened to her sister; her sister who became more family to her than anyone else ever had been. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her sister who was grand and powerful and </span>
  <em>
    <span>destroyed</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They had tried to take Camelot together. They should have been able to! It would have been perfect. They would have ruled together as sisters. It had been going so, so well. Then her sister was dead. Her sister was gone. All that was left was her rage. It was a rage she gladly accepted. She would avenge her. She would make all of them understand the extent of her grief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her sister that taught her a valuable lesson. The right words and the right smile were enough to garner loyalty. She could will people to listen to her, offer them dreams of grandeur she had no real intent of indulging in. It wasn’t hard to create her own army of pawns in the game of chess she played against Camelot. The city would be hers one day. She would accept her birthright. Magic would return to Camelot; it would rule there. Those like her would never live in fear again. Her father would pay. Her brother would pay. The servant boy would pay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The servant boy was an unexpected foe. He was good, in his own way. He had been kind to her. But his loyalty to her brother was unbreakable. It was almost disgusting. Her brother could ask him to jump, the two would argue, then the servant boy would ask “How high?” He meant more to her brother than he would ever admit. (He was also Emerys but she would only learn that when it was far too late). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then there was Emrys. Her destiny and her doom. He who was so much more powerful than her. He who could destroy her.  She had been so determined to find him; to hide from him; </span>
  <em>
    <span>to destroy him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She had missed the obvious. She had missed that he had once been her friend. She was the creator of a self-fulfilling prophecy. He would destroy her as she had so often tried to destroy him. His was the name that the druids spoke of in their prophecies. Emerys and the Once And Future King. The servant boy and her brother.  They had to die. But she could never defeat him. No matter how many times she tried to. She was never enough to stop him, but he was always enough to stop her.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That did not stay her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned her sights to her brother’s uncle. Her least favourite pawn but her most useful. He was enchanted by her and the promises she fed him. He never noticed the hollowness to her promises. He just acted as she told him. He was her brother’s ‘advisor’ whilst betraying him in secret. He was her key to the court. Then he died by Emerys’s hand. Disappointing, but not surprising. She wasn’t much fond of him anyways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she needed a new pawn now. She went through them again and again until she found herself with a familiar face. The servant boy had worked with her to help the druid boy escape from her father’s prejudice. He had been held in Camelot under the duress that the king would kill him for the simple act of existing. Neither were eager to let that happen. They had both been pretending to be good back then.  The boy had grown into a man; a knight even. A knight at her brother’s round table. Someone her brother trusted even more blindly than his uncle.  It was perfect, really. The boy was useful. He even found out the identity of Emerys for her. He helped her find the truth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He struck the killing blow to her brother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that she lived long enough to see her brother's end. The final assault on Camelot felt like a moment she had spent her entire life building up to.  This was going to be it. Her brother thought he was safe. He had married the servant girl and the two ruled in peace. The girl that had once been her dearest friend had now married her worst enemy. Her brother thought himself to be strong and she was eager to prove him wrong. It was fun in its own way; watching her brother’s knights fall. She watched as she destroyed his friends. Would he have time to mourn them before he died? Or perhaps death would catch him in ignorance? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She did not care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just wanted him dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wanted to be queen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was there, above her brother. She was finally looking down on him. She could finally strike the killing blow! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Emerys’s blade sank into her skin. She stared into the eyes of the servant boy as death claimed her. For a brief moment, she found herself back at the moment they met. She found herself back at the court in Camelot; happy, ignorant, and good once more. But then it was gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She died knowing the truth about herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her name was Morgana Pendragon and she was a monster. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments and kudos are appreciated or hmu @ desert-lily on tumblr</p></blockquote></div></div>
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